COW       Pee alone

Happy Mother’s Day.  Like 12 hours early.  I feel like a rock star.  Today I have time to blog.  I’m timely.  It’s a miracle.

We’re going to broach a squirrelly topic today, reader(s), one that we’ve never tackled before.  You all do it, so don’t pretend you don’t.  If I admit it, will that make you feel better?  Ok, I read in the bathroom [be warned, there is some good poop talk below].

Not just magazines.  I read books.  (Incidentally, while we’re on the topic, I told my husband that the bathroom is OFF LIMITS for our shared Kindle  – I hope that’s not too unfair).  I get a lot of good reading done in there.  Or at least I used to (more on that in a minute).  Seriously, I read 205 pages of Uncle Tom’s Cabin in the can.  In hindsight (pun intended) that was probably not the best choice, but I was pregnant at the time and well. . .I digress.

Bathroom reading has to be in relatively short spurts (essays are great, a memoir by anyone who did SNL is great, and well, for those of us weirdos, classic American literature is great).  Bathroom books should be generally amusing.  Those joke books you get for Christmas and don’t know what to do with?  Stack ’em on your toilet, my friends!  They gotta make you laugh.  No one wants to be sad or angry while answering nature’s call.  [G – if you are reading this, I NEVER read Carry On, Warrior while in the bathroom.  It’s vulnerable enough in there, without you making me cry.  Dammit, sister, you’re like OPRAH!].

I don’t actually do a lot of powder room reading lately though.  I have a three-year old who, while requesting “private” for herself, doesn’t seem to understand when Mommy says “I’m pooping in here!” she means “Leave me alone!”  More often than not, she opens the door, pulls up a seat and settles in for the long haul.   Once I grabbed a newspaper and ignored her.  She grabbed her bath toys and made them talk to me.

If that paragraph above seems odd to you, then you don’t read a certain kind of mommy blog out there.  Poop is the least of what is disclosed.  I’m so happy that there ARE such mommy blogs out there.  And that there are such mamas out there to make me feel normal.  They talk about the stuff no one wants to talk about.  Oh mama, are some of these ladies funny.  I was so excited to see that a few of the most hysterical bloggers are compiled in one book –  Just Want to Pee Alone.  If ever a book screamed to be read in the bathroom, it’s this one.  It now sits proudly upon the stack on my toilet.  I’ve read a few essays now and almost cried with laughter.

Speaking of crying, Glennon Doyle Melton is not in Pee Alone (maybe in Pee Alone 2?), she’s got her very own book Carry On, Warrior for all you mamas out there.  Ms. G is a funny, funny lady (read her post about chicken nuggets and Lean In – AMAZING!).   But her true skill is getting the literal heart of the matter – the heart to motherhood, love and life.  Her truth is so TRUE that you just can’t help it.  Even a stoic like me is reduced to waterworks.   She is a loving, lovely, imperfectly perfect mama who doesn’t hide behind the bullshit.  She also writes so god damn well it makes you feel inadequate.

So on Mother’s Day I’m giving this shout out to all the fine ladies out there caring for others.  This will be my fourth Mother’s Day and I still can’t believe anyone allows me to care for anyone.  They obviously never saw my dead plant collection.  Anyway, today is your day.  And if you’re feeling less than, pick up these books.  A little poop talk makes everyone laugh.

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